The holiday season has always been a time of reflection for me, and this year was no different, though what I reflected on was different.

Last summer, I lost one of my mentors, who had a profound impact on my career and leadership. Although I hadn’t seen him for most of the past 20 years, I clearly remember our conversations, his great mind, and the pearls of wisdom he shared.

I’ll always be grateful that he invested in me, supported me through challenges, and spent his political capital to sponsor me for key roles.

Here are three of the many insights he imparted that remain with me today.

What do you want to be known for?

He challenged me with this question early in my tenure working for him. He told me that the best leaders he worked with stood for something, and people knew it. They might not have always agreed with them, but they were respected for their beliefs. That question forced me to confront what I valued and what mattered most to me. It wasn’t easy, but it set me on a different path than I might have taken.

Put yourself last, and you’ll end up first.

This pet phrase of his was puzzling at first, but he went on to explain its importance and meaning. He said that our firm had good partners and great partners, and the difference was that the great partners put the firm first, clients second, and themselves last. Good partners put clients first, and those who put themselves first either languish or eventually leave. Great partners are seen as firm assets and ultimately rise to leadership roles.

This order of importance has always stayed with me, and I have tried to live by it. It brought clarity to decisions and served as a problem-solving model. If what I did was in the best interests of the firm and our people and created value for clients, I wouldn’t have to worry about how it affected me. This helped me focus on the long game, even when it was painful in the short term.

As hard as you work to earn a leadership role, work even harder to prove your supporters right.

He said most people get this backward. They want to prove their naysayers or enemies wrong. He told me I’ll always have people who won’t agree with or support me, and some may even work against me, but those who believe in you deserve your very best. Prove them right, not others wrong.

Why This Matters

I share these memories because they remind me that the impact we have on people is so much greater than we realize. Comments made in moments when we’re not at our best, lessons learned from our mistakes, and the ways we show we care can profoundly affect people and stay with them for a long time. 

A few years ago, I bumped into a former colleague at a restaurant. It was someone I hadn’t seen in at least 15 years. In our brief chat, she mentioned some advice I had given her back then, when she was going through a difficult time, and thanked me again for it. To be truthful, I didn’t remember the conversation, but I could see the impact it had on her then and still does.

It’s moments like those that remind us of the tremendous responsibility leadership is and how our impact outweighs our intent.

Your Next Move

• Take a few quiet moments to think about the people who had the most positive impact on you. What did they do? Have you carried those lessons into your life?
• What about those who had a negative impact? Even bad leaders teach us lessons. What did you learn not to do?
• Now consider the people around you and those who report to you. How do they experience you, and what impact – good or bad – might you have had on them? What will you do differently from here on?

A Closing Thought

Maya Angelou said, “People forget what you said. People will forget what you do. But people will never forget how you make them feel.”

So what do you want to be known for? What do you want someone to say to you when you bump into them fifteen years from now? And what do you want people to say about you after you’re gone?

When you realize how much of what you do stays with people, it’s worth taking time to reflect on these questions.

Let’s unlock better—together.

Kevin